SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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