I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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