I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
