I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
