He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
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True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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