ugly people sure do ruin things
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
