I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
