my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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