I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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