i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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