Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
