Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
