I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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