Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
