Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
