On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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