I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
