If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
