Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
