I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
