The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
