If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
