i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
