someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just invented taco cereal.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
