I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize