i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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