So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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