So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
