i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
