FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i think my cat just said my name.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
