I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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