I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
