You're so nebulous sometimes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
