my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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