ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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