Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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