Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
