I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
