Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
