Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
