I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he was CRYING into my vagina
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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