please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
