I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
