Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
