she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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