Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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