i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
