Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
