farters have to be the big spoon...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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