Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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