is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
