dude i'm inner monologue high
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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