this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
