I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
