I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
