grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
