That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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