ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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