I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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