i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
