my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sorry about my life...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
