So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
