I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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