He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
