High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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