I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
