the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
