rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I could make wine with my vomit
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
