I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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