btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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