I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
