A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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