I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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