I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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