You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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