If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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