He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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