not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
