I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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