I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
