Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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