U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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