who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
