i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
