just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
