I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
