Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
